Watching 'Miss Austen Regrets' with my Dad, part two
- Dad: Fanny's a brat.
- Me: She's upset, and justifiably so. I am sure that if Tom Hiddleston got halfway through proposing to me then changed his mind and wandered off, babbling about trees, I'd pitch a fit as well.
- Dad: I think she's better off without Mr. Douchey. He hates fun on principle and didn't want to dance with her.
- Me: He changed his mind!
- Dad: Still. He didn't want to dance with a cute girl because it was Sunday, but then gambling is perfectly okay? Kid doesn't have his head on right. If he weren't Tom I don't think I would like him at all.
- Me: But because he is Tom, you are forcing yourself to like him against your better judgement?
- Dad: His hair looks like noodles.
- Later
- Dad: WHAT THE FUCK WHO IS THAT TURD.
- Me: What turd?
- Dad: THAT TURD FANNY'S MARRYING WHO IS NOT TOM.
- Me: I don't know.
- Dad: WHY ISN'T SHE MARRYING TOM.
- Me: Because he got engaged to someone else, remember?
- Dad: BUT I THOUGHT HE'D CHANGE HIS MIND AND THEY'D GET BACK TOGETHER JUST LIKE IN JANE'S BOOKS.
- Me: This is about Jane's life, Dad, not her books.
- Dad: BUT. BUT. HE'S NOT TOM. WHY WOULD SHE MARRY SOMEONE WHO ISN'T TOM. HE'S JUST SOME TURD AND NOW SHE'S GOING TO BE MRS. TURD INSTEAD OF MRS. TOM. THIS IS AWFUL.
- Me: Also, Jane Austen died poor and alone? That's kinda sad too? Besides, I thought you didn't like Mr. Plumptre.
- Dad: BUT HE'S TOM.
- Me: You are a complex individual to be certain, Father.
- Dad: I don't like this movie.
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